Let The Joy Begin

I went to sleep after a huge crying jag, woke up to puffy eyes and started again this morning. I told my dh that I don't want to be sad. He wanted to know what he could do, but I said I just needed to make the decision. Then I read this post. So simple, but so true. Count your blessings.

I got to spend time with all my children (and new daughter-in-love), my mom and her husband, my only brother and his wonderful wife, two of my nieces and one nephew, and laugh a lot. My mother-in-law was able to return home a couple of days ago (heart surgery). Dan has relented and is allowing Sassy in the house. God has answered some very specific prayer requests. Everyone is healthy! Kiersten invited Rachel and me to do some Christmas baking. Did I mention that my sister-in-law Julie is a treasure?

I still have a lot of growing to do. It's pretty painful, but God is merciful and loving, patient and kind. He gives me a lot of grace and so do a ton of other people. I'm still becoming all the things I wish to be, but it's two steps forward, one step back. Sometimes it feels harder than that. But He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.

Knowing that, how can I be sad?

Crying Binge

Life got really crazy at the end of September. So that's partly my excuse for not blogging for two months. The other reason is I was too busy crying.

It was like a binge. A sudden urge would come over me to cry. I would cry over anything and everything I could get my mind on. I would cry in secret, but the urge became so overpowering, I didn't care who was watching. I had no self control.

The aftermath took its toll. A frightened husband and children. Kleenexes were hoarded. Contacts were probably ruined. Excedrin stock went up, while everything else plummeted.

The purging was a giant list of excuses and reasons. Some were intolerable. Like the two weeks I blamed the watching of the movie "Hitler, the Rise of Evil". None of it made the binging stop.

Then...

Two days of blogging. Two days of Bible reading. Two days of on the knees praying. Two days of watching my daughter find immense joy in the midst of intense suffering.

It may be safe for the Kleenexes to come out of hiding.

Swooshing Angel Wings

I'm reading the book "90 Minutes in Heaven", and Don Piper tells of hearing the swooshing of Angel wings. That reminded me of the coolest experience I had last week.

I had just fallen asleep, when I heard a swooshing noise, and I awoke with a start thinking, "Jesus is coming!" I was so excited and filled with Joy! Then nothing happened.

Several thoughts all at once...

Did He take everyone but me? But no, I wasn't worried about that.

Nothing, no trumpet or other noise and Dan wasn't stirring, so I knew He wasn't really coming. Imminently , I mean.

And just pure joy.

And how great is that? I'm glad to know that Jesus' return will fill me with such gladness, and not fear or worry.

Even now when I think about it, I can still feel that joy. Neat.

Back to Blogging

Some very cool things have happened, are happening, will happen. So much to blog about that I haven't known where to start. Hopefully these things will spill out in the days and weeks to come.

In doing a Bible study, I'm reminded that I'm supposed to be God-centered, not self-centered. Duh. Why do I keep forgetting that?

In asking God how I can remember to keep Him and His provisions and abilities and desires first, He reminded me of the times where I spent my day asking God, "What next?"

I can do that. So, I asked God, "What do you want me to do now?"

He told me to write in my blog. Isn't God fun? He has so totally blessed my socks off, and this blog is one of the ways I've wanted to share the cool things He does in my life. Yet, I've left it stagnant. Time for fresh water.

Above All Again

Seventeen years ago, I was at a single's conference with two friends. One of those friends (Renee) and I have stayed in touch over the years even though I moved away. During that conference, I felt like God put a desire and call in my heart to speak for him. As in some type of public speaking.

But I remarried and had two more children. I've been busy homeschooling them and participating in various ministries. Over time, I've been able to speak a little here and there. Usually just short five to seven minutes segments.

But I was given the opportunity to be the speaker at a women's event two nights ago. I was able to share how women reflected God's love to me throughout my life. It was awesome, and I might tell more.

One of the coolest things was that my friend Renee "just happened" to be in town that night. How appropriate and so very special that Renee was able to be there for the culmination of this very old dream!! God is so good indeed.

Above and Beyond All that We Can Think or Imagine

Yesterday I spoke at a women's event. It was the fulfillment of a 17 year old calling. More about that later. Something very cool happened to me that morning.

I went out on my deck to pray and study my speech a little more. I was thanking God for this tiny wooded view he's given us in the middle of the city. Thanking him for the pool he's given us. The green trees and the blue skies. It's just so pretty, and all the things in nature just fill me with wonder at God's awesomeness. I looked up, and there in the wooded area was a deer!! Never in the 13 years we've lived here have we ever seen a deer! It stayed for so long. I was able to call my son to see it. He grabbed my camera and I got a couple of shots. He was even able to go down to our fence and call for the deer. After awhile, it slowly went down to the little creek area. If you can call it that. It's just stagnant water.

It was as if God were telling me that scripture in Ephesians about being able to do abundantly more than we can think or imagine. I could never have imagined there would be a deer in my back yard. What a wonderful gift from God on a special day. Thank you, thank you, Jesus.

God's Big Plans for Me

At Bible study today, we watched a slide show and heard about an orphanage in Mexico that we are helping. This "retired" couple, only in their 40's, bought a home in Mexico and waited upon the Lord. He brought them an orphan on their doorstep. Soon he brought another and another. And now they have something like 24 girls and 14 boys. I actually think it's more than that. Every month they have more bills than money. But they just keep trusting God.

If the following sounds repetitious, it's because it's a reoccurring theme in my life. When will I learn? Anyway, I want to do that!! Not that in particular, but something where I'm using my life in a big, no holds bar kind of way for Christ.

I've always been the Braveheart disembowel me for Christ kind of person. But don't ask me to gather firewood in the rain.

What I mean is, I'm one of the blessed ones that actually recognizes when and what God is telling me, if I listen. Right now, He doesn't tell me to retire and move to Mexico to start an orphanage. He tells me to send an encouraging email, make a meal for a hurting friend, play along with my son when he tries to hire me for pretend money so I can buy his stuff. It doesn't seem sacrificial enough. Big enough.

But apparently it is. Because it's so hard for me to do. My flesh doesn't want to. And it may be bigger than I think, because God knows the big plan. He knows my place in it.

So guess what he's telling me now? Back to that same old thing again...

Unload the dishwasher.

Rewards and Consequences

I'm fairly obtuse. My poor sweet husband doesn't understand that I don't get "hints". When he said that he'd like to have his coat washed by Wednesday, I didn't put it together that he meant he'd like for me to wash it by Wednesday. He tries to be so sweet, but I don't do subtle.

In fact, in a lot of my prayers I ask God to hit me over the head with His answer, because I just don't get it.

This Fall a friend shared in Bible study how her daughter was ready for a big girl bike. Same daughter had a problem with being respectful. Mom had tried many negative consequences, but struck upon the idea of rewarding her daughter with a dollar in a jar towards the bike every time she voluntarily said things like, "Thank you, Mommy." It worked wonderfully.

I mentioned and have thought since wouldn't it be great if God gave us these negative consequences and positive attaboys for our choices?

A wise woman said, "He does in my life all the time."

I bet He does in mine, too. Again, I'm obtuse.

So I've been praying and asking God to show me the rewards and consequences of my choices.

I've been choosing to keep the dishes hand-washed and picked up better than when we still had use of the dishwasher. I'm seeing the positive cleaning spilling over to keeping other things picked up, too.

I'd love to hear some of your rewards and consequences!

Update on Spirit Guided Weight Loss

I've been looking in the mirror, thinking I've lost some weight, but I really don't have a giant urge to get on the scale. In fact, I don't plan on getting on the scale until...? I don't even have a plan for that. I'm trying to let God be the focus of my life, particularly in what I eat, so I don't want to let the scale be my judge.

As I've been seeking God instead of hiding out in the snack department, I've noticed a few things. I'm a lot more critical than I realized. It's easier to hide my feelings in food than to be honest about things I'm not proud of feeling. I'm taking these to the Lord.

As I've let God know how powerless I am to do this on my own, I've also noticed a few helps. For the first week, ice cream lost all of its appeal to me. I have however perservered to like it again. But a half cup or so suits me just fine.

I have had a greater thirst for plain old water. We have a new refrigerator with water in the door, and the filter makes our otherwise nasty water very tasty. In the past, I've tried to limit my intake of soda to one Diet Rite a day, but now sometimes I go without one for the whole day. And there are other days I have more than one. I'm trying to let the Holy Spirit be my guide, not some hard and fast rule.

Hunger has not been a problem. Also, the sugar cravings I usually have disappeared after I started reading my Bible daily and praying the Armor of God.

None of this to say I feel victorious. This is a big battle for me. The only way I can win it is not in my own power. I really, truly have to pray each day and ask God to fight this battle for me. And guess what? He does!!♥

Starting the Day Right

Ever since I said I was going to try to not complain, I've been sick with a head cold. Not a complaint, just a fact. It's been one of those weeks, where I'm not sure I'm thinking straight.

That said, I wanted to say more about the Spirit-guided life.

This Fall, I participated in a women's Bible study, where our small group of ladies studied Seeking Him: Experiencing the Joy of Personal Revival . It was a terrific book that really spoke to me. In the last chapter, Nancy Leigh DeMoss says, "Your relationship with Christ will never be any greater than your relationship with His Word."

I have been getting daily devotionals in my inbox from The Purpose Driven Life and a daily Bible verse from Christ Notes, but for too long I've allowed that along with my Bible study to be my time in God's word.

So for the past three weeks, I've spent most days reading my Bible. Most days I read one or more chapters before I do anything else. Sometimes I look words up in The Hebrew-Greek Key Study Bible/New International Version. Then I get on my knees and pray over my day. Often that prayer has to do with what I've just read. Always, I pray to release my control over my life and ask God to work in me, through me.

Lately. I've been reading both Philippians and Romans 12 over and over again. I'm trying to meditate on it and really apply it to my life.

I've seen a difference in how much more powered by the Holy Spirit I feel after I've spent time in God's word that way. It seems to be a real key for me. As long as I do it everyday, it's easy. I want to open the Bible first thing. But if I miss a day, the next day is hard for me to open His word. Keeping the pull of the flesh at bay begins with seeking God first. We all know it, I'm just saying it's been working for me.

No Complaints

I'm planning to spend the next several days updating my progress with walking by the Spirit.

For the past few days, God has been showing me and reminding me of the Scripture, Philippians 2:14 "Do everything without complaining or arguing, ". In fact my daughter Rachel and I have been having a conversation about it. How we like to "complain". And I put it into quotes because we don't look at it as complaining. We're explaining how someone, or something happened to mess with our plans, feelings, or opinions. We're women, and we need to talk it out to understand what's going on with us. Right?

Lately, I'll apologize for complaining mid-rant, and invariably the person I'm speaking to says that it's okay. We all need to vent, and they understand.

But as God kept teaching me about complaining, I saw that it is the opposite of something else he has commanded us. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus". I thought about the Israelites complaining in the desert about how tired they were of God's provision of manna.

And wow, isn't that just like me? My pride, my selfish desires, even my righteous indignation gives way to complaining, instead of remembering all of God's provision. Nothing comes to me without first going through God's hands.

Maybe the very thing I complain about was sent to grow me. "He gave you manna to eat in the desert, something your fathers had never known, to humble and to test you so that in the end it might go well with you." Deuteronomy 6:18

I must admit I feel pretty humbled. Lately I think I've been failing the test. This walking in the Spirit is eye-opening.

There may still be something to talking it out, but first I need to talk it out with Jesus, instead of the person from whom I'm going to get the desired response. Because this is God's will for me in Christ Jesus.

Spirit Guided Weight Loss?

Two days ago I weighed myself. It was bad. Very bad. But not as bad as I was expecting. For the past two or three years I've seem to hit a plateau. On the way up that is. The scary thing could be that we're heading into the eating season.

So, part of this spirit walk with God includes the trial with my weight . I'm trying to put concrete examples to how this is working for me.

Today has been a good day. I prayed upon rising. I read Daniel 1, after hearing it suggested on the radio program that woke me. Part of the prayer was putting on the armor of God. I reminded myself that the flesh is an enemy. I asked God to show me what and when to eat. Then I tried not to make any eating plans.

I read about Daniel purposing in his heart to not eat the choice food and wine of the king. He challenged the guard to let him and his buddies eat only vegetables and water for ten days. At the end of the ten days, they looked healthier than all the other young men. So they were allowed to eat this way for three years. The young men grew greatly in knowledge and understanding during that time.

Of the many lessons that could be gleaned from this story, I was struck by the fly-in-your face opposition to what is considered sound nutritional science. I don't know why that surprises me. God is the creator of our bodies, our digestive system, and the food items we put into it. It's not a new concept, but I felt I'd gotten more encouragement to walk by the Spirit and not by flesh.

Then the daily Bible verse I receive in my email was, "The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. " Galatians 6:8 (New International Version)

Journey of a Lifetime

Isn't it amazing how you can read or hear just the right thing at the right time. That's how I felt when I read this post about the Way to Weigh Less on Wonder Women a few days ago. It hit me right where I'm at in my journey of learning to walk with the Spirit and deny the flesh.

It's such an ethereal concept that I'm hoping to flesh (excuse the pun) out for some future posts. Some areas of my life are really plugged into the Holy Spirit and his leading. But some have been miserable failures.

I was having a great conversation about this (especially in regards to weight) earlier this evening with two beautiful, wonderful women. We all agreed that living our lives isn't about following a chart, be it chores, eating, whatever, but instead following God's leading. How do we apply that practically in our lives?

Stay tuned.

Ten Trials That I Might Not Count as Joy, but for Which I am Thankful

James 1: 2 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds,"

I've waited all week for the last day of the ten things I'm grateful for challenge. I knew what I wanted to list, but I wanted to make certain that I was honestly grateful. I've put it off for as long as I can, so here goes.

The trial with my weight. This reminds me that I keep needing to choose to live according to the Holy Spirit and not my flesh.

The trial with staying organized and on top of things. This keeps me humble.

The trial of leaving friends and of them leaving me. Without the void, I wouldn't have had room in my heart for women I'm so privileged to call friends.

The trial of losing loved ones. I am looking more and more forward to Heaven, where there will be such an awesome reunion.

The trial of not having near as much control over pain in my kids' lives as I would like. What joy to see how God loves them so much more than I do. He's allowed growth opportunities in their lives that I never would have. Yea, God.

The trial of a family member that's removed us all from her life. I have unshattered faith that one day we'll have a great reconciliation. It's the hope of unseen things.

The trial of seeing my brother so unjustly hurt. Where sin abounds, grace abounds that much more.

The trial of being abandoned. Nothing else has hurt so much or brought me so close to the throne of God and His ever-lasting mercy and grace.

The trial of my will. It is always in the way. It reminds me how much patience God has with me.

The trial of thinking I have to live up to certain standards. It keeps me chasing grace.

What about you? Leave a comment with a trial you're learning to count as joy.

Ten Things I Use Every Day that Honestly, I Don't Take for Granted

My Shower I love my shower, and I thank God for it almost every day. It's best when no one flushes.

Contact lenses I had to wait until I was 16 to get them. Now I need to look into bifocal contacts. They really do make them!

The Van It's old, and people actually make fun of it. But it's paid for, and prayed over a lot.

VCR So, I really want a DVR, but this is still so nice. Now Dan can watch "Heroes" tonight.

Tylenol Unfortunately, my legs ache every night, but this works like a charm so I can sleep.

Electricity We're so fortunate to hardly ever have our power go out, while nearby has lost power for days, several times this year!

Furnace/Air Conditioner We've had to call the service man on both this year. Might have to get a new A/C next summer. The times they weren't working makes us really appreciate them.

My new fridge! It filters the water, which now tastes so great, and makes ice. We danced in front of it for many days after we first got it.

Kitchen floor I waited for so many years for this. It really is great. No more holes. No more excuses not to mop, but that's another post.

Internet Of course there are problems with it, but just this week we were able to find out where to go next in Banjo Kazooie, find Hawk Nelson socks, see what a 14 year-old's blood pressure should be, see exactly where Dan hunted, and check the TV Guide.

I know some people long for the "good old days", but we often say around here that we're glad to be living during this time. Thank you, God, for sharing your creativity with us mere men.

Ten Reminders of God in Nature for Which I'm Thankful

I love nature. Most of it. I don't like bugs. I don't like to get dirt under my fingernails. I don't like to sweat. You've probably figured out by now that I'm not much of a gardener. But I love beautiful. And nature is beautiful. These ten sights make me sigh with praises to our heavenly Father.

A clear blue sky. I especially love the look in late summer and early fall, in the southeast sky, in an afternoon. Not that I'm picky.

A field of sunflowers. Have you noticed their "faces" following the sun? It's so neat to see them all standing and facing the same way.

Autumn leaves. Finally our leaves have changed colors. What a great delight!

A rainbow. Too obvious, but I'm a sucker for one every time.

God clouds. These are rain clouds that the sun is shining through just the edges, or streaming sunlight through holes. There are glowing qualities to these that make me feel like a little bit of God's glory is shining for us.

Sunsets. I'm up when the sun is rising, but civilization is in the way. But sunsets are seen when we're out and about. Crayon makers have nothing on these colors.

Dark blue sky, clear Moon, and Venus. Most mornings I see this when I walk out the door to meet my walking buddy. I always take a few seconds to appreciate the simple beauty.

Lightning. It's beautiful to watch, but I must say I enjoy it most from a great distance.

Mountains.

An ocean of lightning bugs. One night Jeff (ds) and I were driving in the country and saw the most amazing sight. Millions of lightning bugs! Because we were going so fast, their lights seemed to blaze. I can't even describe it, but it was very moving.

Ten Gifts That I've Loved

These are all things that were given to me and my family out of generosity. None of the items were "typical" presents as in birthday or Christmas. They are just items that, "Hey, I'm not using this any more, and I wondered if you could?" I believe they were given from the hand of God through the hands of His people. Thank you.

• Kitchen table and chairs
• Leather coat for me
• Ar moire used for much needed coat closet
• Very large freezer
• Dresser that's being used a china hutch
• Swimming pool
• Patio chairs
• Merry-go-round & (scare you to death) tall slide
• Clothes for Chase including snow suits, coats, shoes, cleats, pajamas...
• School Books

Ten Great Things about my Kids!

This is an exciting topic. I could take one a day, but in order to keep embarassment to a minimum, I'll lump them all in the same day.


Here we are in Nebraska about three years ago.

1. All my kids love the Lord.

2. I see them making wise decisions.

3. They are all intelligent.

4. Each of them is creative.

5. They are so funny.

6. They are respectful.

7. And honest.

8. And loving.

9. Each one from age nine to twenty-two, put God first.

10 . And I have to admit, they are all great-looking!


Thank you, Lord.


Here we are with Brad's fiance, Stefanie, at
Brad's college graduation this May.

Ten Things About my Husband for which I am Thankful

I thank God for my husband because...

1. He loves me unconditionally

2. He makes me laugh

3. He listens to me without trying to fix me

4. He loves God first

5. I catch him reading his Bible

6. He is a wonderful father

7. He prays before making decisions

8. He accepts me for who I am

9. And doesn't try to change me

10. He is trustworthy

Another day that I could go on and on. I don't really know if these are the top ten, just the first ten that popped into my mind. Again today, I am reminded that I am very blessed.

Ten Faraway Friends for Whom I am Thankful

Our women's bible study leader has challenged us to write ten things we're grateful for each day for seven days. No repeats. So today in honor of my friend Katara (it's her birthday), I will list ten friends I have been blessed with that I have loved and have loved me. Unfortunately, I don't live near these friends, and even though I think about them very often, I don't pick up the phone, or type the email nearly as often as I should. But when we get together, all the time apart seems minimal, and it seems like we pick right back up where we left off. Truthfully, it was hard to keep it at ten. How blessed I am.
So grateful for...
Sherry you saved my life in 10th grade by becoming my life-long friend
Ann you not only loved me, but my kids, too
Annette 12 years is too long for us to not be in touch
Jody you will never know how much your friendship helped me
Dawnelle a true friend that stood by me
Renee how hard it was to move away from you
Robi proof that a great friend can be made in a short time
Barb building into your life was a lifeline for me
Karen your fingerprints are all over my life
and of course, Katara. Happy, happy birthday my dear, sweet friend.