Crying Binge

Life got really crazy at the end of September. So that's partly my excuse for not blogging for two months. The other reason is I was too busy crying.

It was like a binge. A sudden urge would come over me to cry. I would cry over anything and everything I could get my mind on. I would cry in secret, but the urge became so overpowering, I didn't care who was watching. I had no self control.

The aftermath took its toll. A frightened husband and children. Kleenexes were hoarded. Contacts were probably ruined. Excedrin stock went up, while everything else plummeted.

The purging was a giant list of excuses and reasons. Some were intolerable. Like the two weeks I blamed the watching of the movie "Hitler, the Rise of Evil". None of it made the binging stop.

Then...

Two days of blogging. Two days of Bible reading. Two days of on the knees praying. Two days of watching my daughter find immense joy in the midst of intense suffering.

It may be safe for the Kleenexes to come out of hiding.

Ties That Bind

I stood at the sliding glass door holding my breath, willing myself to stay, when all I wanted to do was stand behind little Bradley as he climbed the ladder to the slide on his swing set.

I cried myself silly dropping him off at mother's day out for the first time.

I watched him play inline hockey, football, and rugby. I watched him get injured. All the while I was purposefully standing back.

I've always felt like I had to pry my own fingers off of my first born son's life one at a time. It was so hard.

But when he married Stefanie, my hands were totally open. All the letting go had been done. Brad is his own man. He is the Lord's. He is wise and mature and ready for life.

How wonderful to be able to rejoice at his wedding!!

Valentine Blow-Out

Dr. Phil, Weight Watchers, Thin Within, Weigh Down, plus every nutritional article I've ever read are in my brain as I try to lose weight. But, I'm trying to combine my knowledge with following God's guidance. So I try to listen to Him and not be tied up with diet "rules".

I've come to have the same thing for breakfast every morning. At first I had a fruit and whole grain, plus a protein and milk. But I can hardly choke it down even though I stop eating by 7:00 the night before. So now I have an apple cut up into 3/4 of a serving of oatmeal and some hot tea.

I've been feeling pleased about my eating habits, but last night was a blow-out.

We had a romantic dinner at home with steak, baked potato, asparagus, and wine. Not too bad, I had a very small potato with low-fat sour cream and a small piece of steak. It was so good. I did have 2 1/2 glasses of wine. And then we had Moellieux au Chocolat, known in America as Oozing Chocolate Lava Cake. Ohhh, it was roll your eyes in the back of your head good. I don't have any ramekins, so I used a muffin tin and made six individual cakes instead of four. And it was so rich I didn't know if I could eat all of that one, but I did.

Then I prayed for the leftover two to be gone, because I just wanted to eat more and more. My husband and son polished those off, so yea!

And I woke up feeling lousy this morning. Do you think it was all the sugar?

That was fun last night, but my oatmeal tasted really good this morning.

Who ARE You Talking To?

Last night, my nine year-old Chase climbed into bed with us after a nightmare. I could then no longer sleep. My husband Dan snuggled in close to Chase and said quietly, "I'm not done with you."

Chase raised concern, "What?!"

In another quiet (read sinister) voice Dan replied, "I'm not talking to you."

"Okay, you're totally scaring the daylights out of me," Chase panicked.

Amidst my outburst of laughter, I told Chase that his dad was talking in his sleep. Then we both laughed so hard.

I still didn't get any sleep.

Laughing Gas Honesty

Yesterday the dentist mentioned in front of my son that he liked to watch a certain program on TV.

To which Chase said, "That's a bad show"

Doctor: "Well, it's not a show for kids your age, right Mom?"

And he kind of gave me a look that suggested I was not monitoring my son.

So Chase asked, "Why would you watch that show?"

He pretended not to hear and went on to the procedure.

I actually enjoyed this exchange very much.

What's in a Word?

I was all warm and snuggly in my new velour "sweats" and hoodie. Mom got them for me for Christmas. My son asked me, "So Mom, are those your saloon clothes?"

What?!

After some struggling, I finally figured out that he meant lounge clothes!

Parents, Teenagers, Friends?

I read an interesting post titled High Hopes over at Rocks In My Dryer, yesterday. It was about Miley Cyrus who plays Hannah Montana on the Disney Channel, which we don't get but can see the Saturday morning version.

She and her dad, Billy Ray, were interviewed, and he said something about wanting to be her best friend. The post was positive about Miley's character with the hopes that she's able to retain it. The interesting part was a deep concern about her father wanting to be her friend. That lead to many posts agreeing, some vehemently, that parenting and friendship never mix.

I understand the sentiment. We've all seen parents trying to be "friends" that let their kids run down the path of destruction.

Maybe the problem is what one calls a friend.

My daughter is awesome. I'm so proud that she thinks of me as her mom and her friend. We have shopping "dates" where we eat pretzel bites and drink smoothies when we need a break. We talk about friends, music, movies, boys, and cars (more about that later). She trusts me, and I love that she feels like I'm on her side. But I'm still the mom. I still have to say, "Go to bed. Do your school work. Be nice to your brother."

As much as some are scared by parents who want to be friends with their children, I am scared by those who think parenting and friendship are mutually exclusive. I think there's room for both. What do you think?

Thankful Today

Thanksgiving holds so many happy memories for me. Only one or two sad ones. It's always been a big deal to get together for that day in our family. So much so that the oldest boys' dad and I worked it out so that even after the divorce, I would have them with me over every Thanksgiving. Where we get together and who actually comes has changed many times over the years. But today, I woke up with all four of my children under the same roof. God helped me stay on top of getting the house and food almost done. I couldn't have done it without the great help of my great husband and Rachel and Chase. It is a very good day. I am very thankful.

Ten Gifts That I've Loved

These are all things that were given to me and my family out of generosity. None of the items were "typical" presents as in birthday or Christmas. They are just items that, "Hey, I'm not using this any more, and I wondered if you could?" I believe they were given from the hand of God through the hands of His people. Thank you.

• Kitchen table and chairs
• Leather coat for me
• Ar moire used for much needed coat closet
• Very large freezer
• Dresser that's being used a china hutch
• Swimming pool
• Patio chairs
• Merry-go-round & (scare you to death) tall slide
• Clothes for Chase including snow suits, coats, shoes, cleats, pajamas...
• School Books

Ten Great Things about my Kids!

This is an exciting topic. I could take one a day, but in order to keep embarassment to a minimum, I'll lump them all in the same day.


Here we are in Nebraska about three years ago.

1. All my kids love the Lord.

2. I see them making wise decisions.

3. They are all intelligent.

4. Each of them is creative.

5. They are so funny.

6. They are respectful.

7. And honest.

8. And loving.

9. Each one from age nine to twenty-two, put God first.

10 . And I have to admit, they are all great-looking!


Thank you, Lord.


Here we are with Brad's fiance, Stefanie, at
Brad's college graduation this May.

Ten Things About my Husband for which I am Thankful

I thank God for my husband because...

1. He loves me unconditionally

2. He makes me laugh

3. He listens to me without trying to fix me

4. He loves God first

5. I catch him reading his Bible

6. He is a wonderful father

7. He prays before making decisions

8. He accepts me for who I am

9. And doesn't try to change me

10. He is trustworthy

Another day that I could go on and on. I don't really know if these are the top ten, just the first ten that popped into my mind. Again today, I am reminded that I am very blessed.

Allure of the Lesser, Choosing the Better Part 2

My dh (Dan) offered to do something with our son Chase, that he had been longing to do. Go to Game Stop and look at all the tantalizing video games. How fun! Only it wasn't. Nine year-olds don't understand the concept of window shopping. Do any of us really? Four dollars to his name wasn't enough for any game. It took a few chats to foster the idea of gratitude that his dad chose to do something with him (that Chase desired), instead of being angry that he couldn't buy anything.

After some of my time on the computer, the electricity went out! I laughed and said okay, God. I get it. My kudos to the people who had to suffer the power outage because of me. Ha! I got into my bible study and enjoyed it very much.

We both chose the lesser. Then got second chances. And faced disappointments of not enough money or electrical power. One had the chance to learn gratitude and attitude. One showed the appreciation of discipline. It doesn't always work out this way, but that was a good day.

Allure of the Lesser, Choosing the Better, Part 1

On Saturday, my son Chase stayed home with his dad, while I went to a women's conference and ran the bookstore, and Rachel went to Bible Quizzing. Dan (dh) offered to shoot baskets, shoot BB guns, shoot bow and arrows, clean a rifle to get ready for hunting, and on and on. Chase, however, preferred to watch a tape of cartoons from that morning. We all hear how kids don't want more things, they want more of us! And I think it's true. But the allure of the cartoons won out over the better time spent with his dad.

And then I had part of a beautiful Sunday afternoon to myself. I could have gone with Dan & the kids, but there were too many things to be done, I protested. The day was warm and sunny and beautiful. I was behind in the bible study that I'm so enjoying. I had a friend waiting for me to email her some more specifics of a conversation we were having that she was benefiting from. I had a friend in need that had left a message for me to please call. I felt a sense of urgency to get some clutter cleared out and given away before holiday visitors. But I stayed on my computer and played a meaningless game.

God was calling me to so much better. I would have enjoyed it more. But the allure of the easy kept me preoccupied with the lesser.