I Blew It!

Last night I was very critical. I made a lot of snide comments, at least to myself if not to too many others. I apologized to God and vowed to do better today.

This morning I read and wrote down Philippians 2:3 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. "

Then promptly went to church and got irritated that something that should have been taken care of wasn't. And I let that irritation turn to criticism.

I did feel convicted, however, and apologized, and spoke about this verse.

A few hours later I was yelling at someone I love very, very dearly.

I think that among other things, I was trying to be "good" on my own. And honestly, I can't be what I'm not. I needed to take more time to really surrender my self to the power of the Holy Spirit, so that He would be working through me. In the busyness of the day, I hadn't taken the time on my knees that I so desperately need.

I could tell you the whole story and then some. And you probably would really sympathize with me. But honestly, I'm just feeling sick.

I know the Lord forgives me. My family still loves me. But I feel so rotten that I didn't stay on the right path. So I'm hoping that I can turn this into a lesson of how much I have to stay on my knees. Guard against trying to do it myself. And hopefully God will give me some grace tonight, because right now it feels too hard.